Saturday 25 March 2017

Night in The City

"None of this happened because were special, we were just dropped in while everything was moving so fast because the universe doesn't care it just does what it does" -Misquoted Mae, Night In The Woods


Dear World,

I'm not really sure what any of us expect when we grow older, I guess we just feel bitter because everything hurts, some of us grow up thinking that the world is good, some of us grow up never knowing that at all, and yet in the end we all feel the same sort of pain. Like things aren't like they should be, like pain is a bad thing and its true to an extent i believe,
the injustice of this world is apparent in everything we do, everything we see... for some thats a reason to seek out a meaning, like a higher power, for others a reason to feel like nothing matters at all and we may as well just give up.

I think in a way were all right. but i think what really matters is that we did feel pain; because honestly if there were no bad times how would the good times even matter? they would just be times. Maybe I'm just affected by the game I'm referencing in the title or maybe I'm just looking at this again with a new light. Maybe we don't matter at least to the world, to the universe... maybe everyone just exists because they do. But we certainly matter to others, and others matter to us, thats why things hurt. Why mental illness exists, because at the end of the day if it didn't hurt if nothing reminded you, that you existed and that there was a difference between the good and bad, it trully wouldnt matter.

We make decisions everyday, and of course theres the logic and the paradoxes that imply there is no choice, that choice and freedom are illusions, yet we still put meaning and thought into them, because we know things are going to turn out differently if only slightly. Sometimes we choose the choices that will make it all hurt, other times we seek the decisions that will put out the least pain. But in the end, I don't think I'd ever want things to never hurt. I don't think without the pain I'd be who I am, without the bad times I'd never learn, never understand never get the feeling that things mean something more. 

But hey, Maybe I'm wrong, maybe utopia would be a good thing... but maybe im right and the pursuit of happiness is worth a lot more than the attainment. Thats just how I see it, Life With Me.


Sincerely Yours,

Mjax Majoran

Wednesday 22 March 2017

The Complexities and Therapeutic Tendencies of Non Erotic Roleplay.

“The Best way of successfully acting a part, is to be it” -Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Adventure of The Dying Detective
Dear World,

Hello again, It’s me while I do think I may have other more important topics to discuss in the future. I do think this one is as interesting as any other. I first began my foray into roleplaying as a young child I think we all do at some point. Playing pretend they call it. Of course the adventures I had were much more grandiose and complex, especially the ones shared with a good friend; but the thing is Roleplaying (or RPing as its often shortened) did not end for me once I got too old to have an active imagination and body. If you are not of course aware of RPing as the internet age has allowed and produced. You might expect that I would be referring to video games or Dungeons and Dragons or some similar type of formally organized game; this assumption would be incorrect. Much along the same lines of what one would do with a Lover in the bedroom, many have taken to the Internet as a sort of way to live out impossible fantasies through ways of image and text… like a kind of multiplayer Text Adventure (or Choose Your Own Adventure Book) where the only thing dictating what happens isn’t a narrator or a set script but rather the constant adapting minds of the players in question.

However, Despite all the Kinky, Erotic RPs out there, as Fanfiction exists, so do the complex yet simple Roleplays of which I speak! My  first foray into this specific type of social interaction was in the early days of my interest in the “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” fandom. I’m not sure exactly what led me to it, why I suddenly decided that of all the ways I could inspire my urges to write would be to invite my friends to write with me. As ideas were created and shared live, But I did, and i’ve continued to do so since. RPing comes in many different types often based on a given or made up scenario by one or all of the participants and can have more or less restrictions depending on how people wish to enjoy. It offers up a unique kind of escapism which cannot be replicated in any traditional or modern media, since the entirety of the experience is reliant solely on the participants, from the structure to the formatting to the subject matter, and so long as everyone is having a good time, nonsensical stories can be written that make sense in the moment, and in the future but on reading back, someone who was not in the heads of the Role-players at the time, may simply stare in confusion.

RPing is quite popular if a bit niche, on the internet as anyone can do it, all that’s required is a way of communicating, and the internet has no shortage of that. Its for this reason that It’s to no surprise at least to me that RPing is an activity generally enjoyed by people from the ages of 14–30, a way to relive childhood wonder, and stimulate the mind. What is perhaps most odd about the whole thing, at least to me, is how well a person can immerse themselves in a world that is not their own, as a person they are not, and at the same time be able to do this while creating “characters” which are simply branches or mirrors of the self…perhaps deeper on a subconscious level, In my experience you .can learn a lot about yourself and the people you choose to roleplay with just through examination of how and who you and they play. It should then come as no surprise that its so immersing, and yet it is.
Casual RPing as some would call it is an activity that Psychologists seem to only employ with children, which I find quite odd. that said many people would find the act of pretending to be something or someone else, or to have relations with someone even in pretend that is not in actuality that; a tad bit off putting or strange. And I think perhaps the internet and the magic of words on a screen have made this easier. Earlier I mentioned it worked as escapism, for some it works as a way to live out fantasies, for others a way to deal with stress and depression. My mother personally doesn’t understand it, and if she does, she has yet to let on. I personally view it as just another form of writing.

I wrote this post like one would an Article or editorial. perhaps a report or essay. In reality though I only meant to discuss RPing as I understand it, at the time of writing this all out. I hope if anything it helps someone to fully grasp just why the hell people keep making OCs and posting them to Deviant Art and Tumblr.

I’d be glad to hear your thoughts and I always am… comments are enabled or you can shoot me an email, but until then, this has been the world as I see it, Real Life, with me.

Sincerely Yours,

Mjax Majoran  

Back in the Saddle

“Better to write for yourself, and have no public; than to write for the public and have no self.” -Cyril Connolly
 
 
Dear World,
I guess we're really doing this then, the writing thing... i mean we have tried before, man i miss that iPod app. Not too totally sure why talking to a random stranger on the internet inspired me to actually do this... maybe its just how things are right now.
Trying this app out, not entirely sure I trust it, but for references sake all of this, or most of it was written on an iPad Air 2, Using BlogPad Pro. So that's who to blame if it all goes tits up. I guess if I'm really going to do this, you're going to need to understand who I am... who I used to be, what led me to this point.

But maybe I'll leave that for a time when it really matters. the point is at the time of writing this I was 19 years old, with a steady yet horrible job working for a fast food company I can't mention here yet, and have recently gotten a second job working for a slightly more respectable business which due to an NDA on Social Media, I can't name or talk about either, Additionally I have a grand total of 1 close Real Life friend. One. the same friend I've had since i was 4. 15 fucking years. In addition to them I have had exactly 3 friends in elementary school, an uncertain number, but basically round-able to 1.5 in junior high, and a few in high school. all of different races, backgrounds and ethnicities... I'm by no means biased except from my own interpretations of reality. My online life includes an account on pretty much every social media site that has existed and continues to exist for the last 5 years, none of which I really use all that much. and as of a few years ago, i began sticking to the pen name of Mjax Majoran and Markjake; more on that in my about section.


The last two or three years can be summed up by my relationships with two people on different sides of the globe... relative to me.
One a TransMasculine from Germany, the other A Bisexual HFA from Las Vegas, Nevada, USA. why did i mention their sexualities and major disorders? Because I feel in some ways it's important to note that I have and continue to be friends with misfits, mismatches... and people of like minds...

So what exactly is the point of all this. Why write down stuff like this, with minimal editing straight from the brain to the page just hoping it makes sense? I'm not sure, maybe its people saying I'm a good writer, though I believe they mean non fiction, maybe its because i've been told it helps depression, maybe its just because I can? or because I feel like I really ought to get these thoughts out there, even if others never read them.

I just need to vent, and if I shout out into the wide abyss who can really complain... if you read it, you chose to. Point is that this is my space, this is where I exist. where I am free. This Is Real Life; With me.

Sincerely Yours,
 Mjax Majoran